


H Is For How To Be Happily Married [There Are Rules, Apparently]

by mydogwatson



Series: A Baker Street Alphabet [8]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-24
Updated: 2013-10-24
Packaged: 2017-12-30 09:22:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1016902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydogwatson/pseuds/mydogwatson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The night before a wedding.  Sherlock is busy researching.  That can't be good.  Can it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	H Is For How To Be Happily Married [There Are Rules, Apparently]

**Author's Note:**

> Time for a bit of romantic fluff. Is anyone surprised?

I am most immoderately married.  
-Theodore Roethke

 

Sherlock had been busy on John’s laptop for some time, without revealing any clue as to what he might be working on. Occasionally he would snort in apparent skepticism or roll his eyes at something obviously ridiculous, but that was all.

Hopefully, it wasn’t a case, because the detective had promised not to get involved in anything for the next two weeks.

Just as John was deciding to speak up, reminding Sherlock that tomorrow was an important day and that the following honeymoon in Venice was not to be trifled with either, Sherlock gave a satisfied nod and hit the Print button. A single page emerged from the printer across the room.

Sherlock just gave John a bright smile as he retrieved the page and headed for the kitchen.

Not an experiment, surely?

John followed him with more than a little trepidation. But all Sherlock did was use two thumbtacks to mount the paper on the wall. That done, he studied the words for a moment, smoothed the paper thoughtfully, and headed for the bedroom, hopefully to pack, as there would be no time the next day.

When Sherlock had vanished into the other room, John walked over to the wall and peered at the paper.

 

TEN RULES FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE

For just a moment, John forgot how to breathe. This list, absurd as it no doubt was, had been diligently researched, printed out, and posted by the “high-functioning sociopath.” The man without a heart.

John leaned against the wall to read the list.

 

1\. Never both be angry at the same time.   
This first rule seemed a bit useless, in his opinion. What was the point of just one person being angry? Especially when that person was John Watson, who could do anger very well. He could shout and rail with the best of them. But when the shouted-at displayed no anger, but just sat there growing colder and more still with each moment, what was the point? And nothing could make a shouter feel more foolish than being shut down with one icy, scathing comment.

But then there was the fact that John had seen Sherlock actually shouting in anger only a handful of times, once at him, and he never wanted that kind of fury aimed in his direction again.. Never. By comparison, his own shouting and carrying on seemed rather tepid.

All in all, it seemed wiser to just take his own solitary anger out for a walk and come back home when he was calmer.

 

2\. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.

“John! The house is on fire!”  
“John! Toxic fumes!  
“John! Spilled acid!”  
“John! The house is on fire!”  
“John! Run!”  
“John! I’m on fire!”

Luckily John Watson had long ago accepted that this was his life.

 

3\. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.

Yeah, like that was going to happen. 

When your bloody mate refused to concede defeat even to armed psychopaths, unhinged bombers, and homicidal cabbies, what chance did a short, frequently huffy, jumper-wearing and rather ridiculously smitten boyfriend/fiance/husband have?

Very little, so best learn to live with it.

[See the note on Rule #2.]

 

4\. If you have to criticize your mate, do it lovingly.

So “Idiot” was now considered to be a term of endearment by both parties?

That was doable.

 

5\. Never bring up the mistakes of the past.

Not even the really, really bad ones? Lying and getting your partner strapped into an explosive vest? Drugging him just to see what happens? Or from the other idiot, how about denying being his friend? Denying being a couple long past the time when it made sense?

And the absolute worst, of course, jumping off a building---no, quite right, some things are best not mentioned. 

 

6\. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.

Especially on the very night you first become lovers and are still in the frigging afterglow when the world comes calling with a rather fascinating homicide. Don’t jump out of bed, start pulling on your clothes, and then head for the door before realizing that just maybe some proprieties ought to be observed. Hard to tell how that would have ended, had not the phone rung again with the news that the husband had turned up and confessed, so there was no case.

[Oh, don’t be ridiculous. Everyone knows how it would have ended. If necessary, refer back to the comments on Rule #3.]

 

7\. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.

Oh, please, they lost enough sleep as it was.

 

8\. At least once every day try to say something kind or complimentary to your life partner.

Certainly “brilliant”, “amazing” and “fantastic” qualified, so John felt well covered on this one. And he supposed an occasional nice remark about his tea making skills counted as well. And possibly words of praise whispered damply into one’s ear at certain, ahh, intimate moments would qualify.

Okay, this one seems handled.

 

9\. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness. 

Once some things, things better left unspoken about now [rule 5], have been forgiven, the whole concept seemed rather superfluous. 

 

10\. It takes two to make a quarrel and the one in the wrong is the one who does the most talking.

Well, John was finally given to wonder why so many of these so-called rules mentioned arguments, quarrels, anger. Shouldn’t some of them mention the good things?

Like: Kiss your mate at every opportunity just because his lips are so bloody kissable. Never forget what his curls feel like when you run your fingers through them. Shoot anyone who threatens him. And hold on tightly, as tightly as you can, because otherwise you might lose him.

John smoothed the paper tenderly and then headed for the bedroom to see if he could help with the packing. Or, even better, disrupt the packing.

He had no way of knowing then, of course, that the Rules For A Happy Marriage would stay right there on that kitchen wall, yellowing and growing ever more tattered, until the day many years in the future when they left Baker Street forever. 

fini


End file.
